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Why Do People Like Other People?
By: Mike Milan | November 12, 2019
Have you ever looked at another business owner and thought, “Man, they have it made.” They just seem to have a confidence that fills the room, or maybe you like the way other people interact with them. What is it? That “it” factor that others seem to have that makes their life look so much easier than yours feels. It could be that they have figured out the secret to being “liked”.
Bet you didn’t know it was a secret? In reality it isn’t; but there is a similar characteristic that successful people share. One so simple that we all can do it. In fact, you naturally do it anyway – when you want to. Believe it or not, it is as simple as making a friend.
Chances are you have a close or best friend. Chance are equally as high that you can’t explain why you like that person so much. I mean, of all the people in the world, you just brought yourself to say, “I like this one the best.” Most people don’t know why they like someone, they just do. It’s a feeling they get when they are around the person. It’s natural to like people. We just tend to like the people who talk to us the way we like to be talked to. That feeling you get is that the other person “gets you”. You feel safe, comfortable, respected, and liked. Although we do this naturally, you can learn to interact with anyone in a way that they like to be communicated with. If you do, they will like you, even if they don’t instantly know why.
To be aware of this skill, you must understand the Social Styles Model. This model describes four distinct behaviors that most people exhibit. We all exhibit these behaviors in social situations. It’s also possible that we can display all of them depending on the situation. Although we have a dominate social trait it does not mean that it is the only one, we can display. Sometimes people might have high confidence and a strong dominate personality, and in a different situation we could be quieter and more observant.
The four social styles are: driver, expressive, amiable and analytical. If you want to connect with anyone at any time, the successful business owner is a chameleon. That means they quickly identify the social style the person they are talking to is using and mimic it. Here is some basic guidance about each style.
Driver: This person is task and result oriented. They want the facts and aren’t afraid to make a quick decision. They have a direct speaking style and are not afraid of confrontation. To deal with a driver you need to use the three B’s. Be Bright, Be Bold, and Be Gone. That means have confidence when your speaking to them and don’t waste their time.
Expressive: This person is the life of the party. They are great at telling a story and can captivate a room. Everyone seems to be drawn in by this personality. The trouble is they are also caught up in the excitement and often have a lack of focus and are easily distracted. Let them be the star of the show while its appropriate, but when it comes to completing a task, you will have to work to keep their attention.
Amiable: At any given time, we all can be amiable. This is when we tend to keep to ourselves. It could be at a party when you keep to yourself or you sit in the back of a class and hope to not be called on. One thing about the amiable personality is that it takes a long time for them to feel comfortable. Be easy and patient with this personality. If you are too overbearing, you risk losing their trust. However, when they feel comfortable, their true personality comes out. They start to be more engaged, and to those who have earned their trust – you have it for life.
Analytical: This type of personality likes to have all the information available. They prefer all the facts and figures presented in a logical fashion so they can clearly see the whole process. When you are working with this person, you can’t be vague or leave out critical steps. If you do, they get paralyzed and won’t be able to formulate a decision if necessary. They will say things like, “I know what the facts and figures say, but there’s just not enough information to make a decision.” Help them out by filling in the blanks.
There are two axes that these personalities exist on. Your goal is to quickly identify on which end of the spectrum does your “friend” exists. Here are two questions to ask yourself.
1. Is this person more interested in people and relationships or tasks and results?
2. Does this person like to ask and listen or tell and direct?
A driver will focus on a task and prefer to tell and direct, while an amiable will ask questions and listen while getting to know people.
This guide will help you navigate the world you live in a lot better. If this becomes part of your nature as a business owner, in no time at all people around you will be saying, “Man, they have it made."